Staycation? Oh, great idea!
2010-03-11
It seemed like such a great idea, the Staycation. Actually, no, anything with a catchy name like that was probably dreamt up by a bored journalist. Just picture the scene: Everyone was looking forward to the usual summer holiday. Drive the car to the APH car park near the airport, take the air conditioned bus to the airport, fly to the sun soaked holiday resort, enjoy record breaking weather, then fly back home, fully refreshed, take the air conditioned bus back to the APH car park, wake the car, then drive home.
But someone made a mistake. Someone allowed Dad (or mum!) to read a magazine and get an Idea! Oh, no. That's never good... “I read an article in a Sunday supplement! Apparently with the recessionary thingy-whatsit, the in thing this year is the Staycation! We'll book a cottage in the wilds! Oh, DO say yes! It'll be fun!”
So rather than the trip to the airport the family car -which is still too traumatised to remember very much about the journey to the Staycation- is forced to drive 300 miles to a cottage in the middle of nowhere. Did anyone think to have the car serviced? The battery checked? No. So the journey was enlivened by a rather kindly gent in a recovery truck who took pity on the family and only charged the 'minimum' amount to tow the car to the 'nearest' garage. (Do you have any idea how much a new battery costs, these days?) I say 'nearest' garage because in some parts of the UK near and garage seem to develop a different set of meanings to anywhere you might already know. Protests at how much the tow cost were met with howls of: “Do you have ANY idea how much those recovery vehicles cost?” to: “We'd be on the beach now, if it weren't for you!”
Eventually you arrive at your cottage. Which is not too bad, even though the cesspit is a bit temperamental and doesn't work all that well in bad weather. Funnily enough the bad weather that as if by magic seemed to coincide with the start of your holiday! The cottage is nice enough, though a little bit damp. (I once stayed in a cottage so damp that the pepper in the pot had gone mouldy!) Well, this is Britain and not some sun kissed cottage in Spain, Southern France or Portugal, so a bit of dampness is only to be expected. But for the price they charged? ouch!
Anyway, you decide to drive to the nearest town (there's that word, again 'nearest') and despite your Sad Nav (as the family call it) trying to get you to drive through a river and up a sheer cliff, you eventually find said nearest town. You find the Tourist Information Centre. And have to pay to park.
You buy a small local map and decide to visit a museum. And pay to park, again. You leave the museum (non-the-wiser, really) and decided to visit an attraction and have to pay to park, again. You realise that this holiday is getting expensive. So it's back to the Tourist Information Centre again to ask about buses. Yes, there is a bus service that travels along the road 'nearest' (sorry, it's that word again) to your holiday cottage. But it only runs on alternative Thursdays. And that's not this week, they are sorry to say. Actually, the person at the Tourist Information Centre seemed to be smirking and rather enjoying your discomfort.
As you leave the Tourist Information Centre you see a headline on a newsagents' billboard: “Local furry as council ups car park fees.” You think of several things to say, but don't. Remember, your family are with you! If you want to stay at a holiday cottage in the UK, make sure it's for the right reasons! You could find out that any idea of saving money with a Staycation could pan out very differently to the way you thought. It might have you running to the nearest pub. Ah. Sorry. It's that word again. The nearest pub? Closed. Get a bottle of white wine from the nearest (sorry!) shop and share it with a some straws.
Staycation next time? It's probably cheaper to go abroad! Check out the APH website www.aph.com. Leave your car at the APH car park and... hang on... what about a holiday cottage in the Carmouge? Coastal Spain? The new non-staycation. It's all the rage, I hear!
